This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
