he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
