Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
