Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
