I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
