Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
