Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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