Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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