i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
