Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
