My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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