I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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