I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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