Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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