So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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