her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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