I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
