I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
