Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
