That's when you crack a 10am beer
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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