So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
