My brain says no but my pants say off.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
