her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
