they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
His nipple licking is glorious
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