i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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