is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
