I wish I could teleport
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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