Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
