It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
