make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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