I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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