In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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