and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm passing your future prison.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
