You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
