he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
