So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
