i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
