Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
