just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
