When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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