at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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