ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
