i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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