He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
