wrigley field is MILF paradise
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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