we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
