It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
