I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
