So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
