Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
